“This is What New Motherhood Looks Like … a Big Scattered Mess” -with Alyson Schafer


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(with Alyson Schafer, mama of 2, parenting expert, psychotherapist, best-selling author) You desperately need to get out of the house.  It’s been 2 months of dirty diapers, breastfeeding at all hours of the day and night and being lucky to sneak in a shower. You make a break for it and head to the bistro down the street for an outing. It’s 5pm and you and the entire population of retirees are taking advantage of the early bird special.

Then it happens…

Your little angel (who was just fed, burped and changed 10 minutes ago) suddenly belts out a cry that would make any sane person head for the hills.  The entire restaurant turns to look at you to see what you could possibly be doing to your poor baby to provoke such a loud protest from your bundle of joy.  Your face turns red, your palms sweat and you wonder how going out to dinner could make you feel like such a failure…

Alyson Schafer, a psychotherapist, mama of two and parenting expert helps us understand “why” & “what we can do about it.”  She teaches you how to stop worrying that your children are a direct reflection of  you and says “if you stop judging people, you’ll stop feeling judged.”    BAM. So true.

The second you hear Alyson’s voice you know this is woman knows some things.  She has a gift of conveying experience & knowledge in a way that helps you instantly just “get it.” Alyson is one of those people that when you hear them talk, you remember what they say.  

Alyson dispels the myth: “good mothers are in control”. The golden nuggets are everywhere in this class.

You’ll walk away feeling refreshed, encouraged & patted on the back. And it might also kick you in the can a little bit.


You’ll Also Learn:

  1. Why control is a horrible tool to building intimacy (in relationships with kids, spouses or anyone for that matter).
  2. What happens to our kiddos when we become all stressed out ourselves.
  3. Steps you can take {today} to combat the guilt, fear and insecurity of “new mom-ness”.
  4. Why Alyson says it’s important to embrace the scattered mess of being a new mom.

Who is Alyson Schafer?

Alyson Schafer is the mama of two kiddos. She’s also a psychotherapist, internationally acclaimed parenting expert and best-selling author.  Alyson Schafer and family live in Canada.

New mom

 Click Here to Listen to this Class (audio only)



Check out Alyson’s site & her books: Breaking the Good Mom Myth & Honey I Wrecked the Kids & Aint Misbehavin’: Tactics for Tantrums, Meltdowns, Bedtime Blues and Other Perfectly Normal Kid Behaviors



“This is what New Motherhood looks like: a big scattered mess” with Alyson Schafer

 Sarah:              This is Sarah Blight from Your Baby Booty Interviews where we cut through the fluff and give you all the information that you want to know and need to know about becoming a parent as you enter this journey. Well, today, we’re chatting about guilt and fear and insecurity as a new mom. It’s very common, and I think today, our guest, Alyson Schafer, who is a mamma of 2 kids. She’s also a bestselling author. She’s a psychotherapist and a parenting expert, and I’m excited to get her insight into this whole world of guilt and insecurity and fear. So thank you so much, Alyson, for joining us today.


Alyson:             Oh, my pleasure. I mean what a great topic. I don’t know if you’ve noticed my first book title is called Breaking the Good Mom Myth, and I like to tell people that’s actually my autobiography.


Sarah:              Yes, and I want to talk to you about that in the interview. To start off though, what do you wish you would have known when you first became a parent and why?


Alyson:             You know, I am – The thing that threw me off the most was that I would feel so isolated. I was really actually quite lonely. I thought that I was going to be joining this, you know, band of mothers like I thought there would be like a welcome wagon and that – I don’t know – that motherhood would embrace me, and people would like bring over casseroles or something. I don’t know what I thought, but I somehow thought I was going to join this league of moms, and instead, I was like home alone. I wasn’t working. Nobody was home with me. I couldn’t get out with my stroller, and I had no idea that I was just going to be so isolated and lonely. That was my experience, and I’ve told moms they have to really work hard to find your social group. But I did eventually. Now I speak at mom’s groups all the time, and I see other women did it successfully, but for me, it was an isolating factor and not a joining factor.


Sarah:              So in retrospect, what do you wish you would have done to kind of counteract that isolation or what resources you kind of wish you would have known about at that time?


Alyson:             You know what? I think part of it was the geography of where I live, and it was so important to me that in hindsight, I would probably have moved…


Sarah:              Really?


Alyson:             …or bought a second car. It was – Yeah, you know, I mean I lived in a neighborhood where all the other moms worked, and the nannies that would take their kids to the park did not want to socialize with me, and you know, my friends lived either too far away or in different towns, and we didn’t really have the internet up and running in the same – I’m not the age myself that much, but you know, that all came later to have this mom hubs and the kind of resources that you’re putting out to your community, and so get online. Get on Twitter. Get on Facebook. You know, at least do it virtually if you’re not going to do it, but don’t think it’s – but it’s just your lot in life. I would really make sure that you kind of find your tribe. Many hands makes for a light load and you’ve got to figure out how to do that for yourself.


Sarah:              That’s great advice. So many women that I talk to and I include myself in this group because I do talk to myself sometimes consider themselves pretty confident women, and you know, then they get pregnant or, you know, adopt. They become parent, and all of a sudden, we kind of lose, I think, our sense of confident and feeling just also I know I felt very insecure and just fearful a lot about parenting. Is that kind of common with the women that you talked to as well and what do you tell those women?


Alyson:             I think it is common, and I think it is a more modern phenomena. I think this is maybe one of the down sides that we don’t talk about with, you know, the feminists movements and social equality, and the fact that women are now educated, we’re in the workplace, so we come from this sort of higher status, higher recognition. We’re very competent, and we have a great sense of security about how we move through life, and then we’re asked to do parenting where we might not have had a good parenting, you know, in our own upbringing. Suddenly, parenting is a really important theoretical construct that everybody’s reading about, but nobody seems to have the right answer, so suddenly, there’s this idea you might do it wrong, God forbid, and then we’re also told if you do it wrong it’s going to have this huge consequences on your child, and so suddenly, here’s this competent person stepping up on to this rather public forum and being awkward. And I don’t know anyone who likes to have their, you know, seeming inferiorities revealed to the public.


Sarah:              Right.


Alyson:             So I think it makes people, you know, quite uncomfortable in their skin because usually, we’re pretty confident now, you know.


Sarah:              Yeah.


Alyson:             It’s amazing us, women. So this is a little bit of like a come up almost.


Sarah:              Well, and this kind of leave into your first book, which is called Breaking the Good Mom Myth. Were you addressed a bunch of myths surrounding, you know, motherhood? And I was going through them and there’s a couple I wanted to talk about real fast, and one of those is, you know – And I think this may lead into those fears and anxieties that we have – and the first one is that my children are a reflection of me.




                        Talk to us about that.


Alyson:             Isn’t – I mean isn’t that one of the things that undermines our confidence? We’re sitting there in a restaurant and our kids starts to cry or a child starts to have a tantrum, and you just think everybody is looking at me. Or you’re there with the family. You’re like oh my mother-in-law is looking at me, and she’s judging me. I’m supposed to know what I’m supposed to do. And not only that, but why is my child disturbing in the first place like have I done something wrong? Am I a bad parent that I have a kid that would like act up like this in a restaurant?


                        And so rather than thinking about how we’re supposed to like respond to the situation, we’re sitting there, you know, in the spotlight, thinking that all of society is now judging us. I don’t know anyone who likes that feeling, and it certainly doesn’t put us in our best place to actually, you know, act calm in the moment, you know. And so somehow, there’s this idea that – And this is kind of what I get to is the myth – if you really believe that your kids are truly just 100% a reflection of your parenting, then what that really means is – And this is a distasteful thought. I tried to make it a distasteful thought for parents – so you think they’re just a lump of clay that you’re going to shape and mold. So you’re basically saying you want kids to be your chattel. You want to own them. You want to shape them like what does that – how does that jive with your feelings about, you know, everyone having an authentic soul and wanting to be their true nature, and you know, like the truth is, kids are creative. They’re going to try on different behaviors and it’s not a reflection of how you’re doing things. It can’t be so deterministic as that.


                        And a lot of parents kind of go, “Wow, you mean you can do it already and still have a kid who, you know, misbehaves or does this, you know, turns out certain ways?” Absolutely. You can do it all right, and sometimes, bad things happen to good people. You just have to accept that, you know. It’s freeing to believe that.


Sarah:              That is freeing. And also, there’s a whole aspect of child development, and you know, I read my first year child development book being a first-time parent myself, and you know, you read about, you know, some kids just go through a fucky phase where they’re crying and that’s just part of their, you know, brain development, and you know, again, it’s not a reflection of what you’re doing right or what you’re doing wrong. It’s just a way kids have to develop sometimes.


Alyson:             Yeah, absolutely. I think about – This is sort of an extreme case, but maybe it will be helpful for the parents that are listening. I was talking to a gentleman who works with kids that have autism, and one of the behaviors was pitching themselves over the couches, and it turns out that they’re pitching themselves over the couches because they have gastrointestinal. There’s also often a comorbidity with stomach issues with autism, and these kids were actually in pain, but didn’t know how to say, “I’m in pain,” so they were pushing or creating pressure on their abdomen as a way of relieving pain, you know, and I think that’s quite the same, you know, you see a child is crying or you see a bully in the classroom and you think this is this child’s creative way of trying to solve a problem in life. Do we need to address it? Do we need to figure it out? Yes. But does it mean that there is a bad parent like I just see it as it’s communication and it’s something to solve.


                        So a lot of my work is, in a sense, reframing what kids do, and I think that really helps parents stop blaming themselves and it gets us back into a frame of mind where we can start working with some of this stuff as opposed to just sitting there generating all this horrible feelings and just wanting to shut down.


Sarah:              Right. And that kind of leaves the second myth that I want to talk to you about, which is that mothers are in control, and this one really hit me big time because I have some control freak tendencies that my husband can attest. What do you have to say about that myth?


Alyson:             Well, see, this is really where I say it’s kind of like getting your comeuppance. If you’re somebody who goes through life with a style of using control as a way of being successful, it works very well in the workplace and it works very well in organizing your own life, it’s probably why you become so accomplished. It is going to be your primary tool for success, and then you’re going to try to use that same methodology on your human relationships, on raising your child, and what you’re going to find is that control is actually a lousy tool in building intimacy, and what better time to learn that than becoming a mom. I mean it is such – There’s so much growth. We’re always talking about the growth of a child and the development of a child, but there’s so much developmentally happening to the soul of the new mother. They’re realizing I can’t control destiny and faith. I can’t make them sleep. I can’t make them not spit up, you know, and rather than feeling defeated and like we’re bad, it’s like wow.


                        So I’m being challenged to live, you know, outside my comfort zone where I don’t get to control everything, and sometimes, things go wrong, and sometimes mistakes happen, and that’s a beautiful thing for humans to embrace that we can’t control everything and to muddle on despite that. So you can decide to fight back and just think I don’t like a life that I can’t control, or you can say, “Wow, this is clearly the lesson in life that I need to learn right now, and this child has been sent to me as a gift for me to learn that control and intimacy are, you know, contraindicated.




                        You have one or you have the other.


Sarah:              Uh-huh. That’s wow.


Alyson:             I told you that you can be right or you can be married with joy, and it’s kind of the same with kids, you know.


Sarah:              I’m really not like that.


Alyson:             If you want to be in that control you might have punctual kids, but they might not love you.


Sarah:              Uh-huh, that’s right. Okay. So I remember I want to talk a little bit about kind of the whole idea of, you know, that every other mother can have it together except for me, and I remember distinctly when my son was a couple months old, we decided to go for a walk, and I was just a frazzled mess. I forgot his paci, I forgot diapers in case he had a blowout. I just felt like I was just a mess just stumbling around, and then I looked up and I saw a woman who perfect ponytail, cute outfit. Her kids had their snacks. They were eating. I mean they looked like they had it all together, and it made me feel just really bad about my self. What do you say to the women who kind of have those thoughts that everyone must be in on it because they look like they have it together?


Alyson:             Well, I think we have to appreciate how the human brain works, which is, you know, we’re out there collecting very specific data to support an idea. So if you have the belief I’m not holding up like everybody else, look at that lady. She’s got a perfect snack and she made it just to get out with a ponytail and a shower and her kids, but you’re not seeing the whole picture.


Sarah:              Right.


Alyson:             You might not realize that that’s the only thing she does. Maybe she’s got, you know, 3 night nurses and 2 nannies, and the cleaning, you know, whatever, a cleaning lady, and you don’t, or you know, maybe instead you’ve chosen to, you know, stay at home, and you work on 2 committees for your church, and you know, unless you know the whole story of someone’s like they’re all making choices, you know. And so I don’t judge anymore. When somebody cuts me off in traffic, instead of saying, “Wow, that guy is like, you know, a bad driver and rude.” I can go ahead buddy. Your wife must be in labor. You know, rush. Go get home to her. Take her to the hospital. So when I looked at the situation, I realized I don’t know the truth about that situation. I’m evaluating it through my belief system, and you know, we can look for evidence to make us feel bad about our parenting, but that’s almost like, you know, the luxury of making ourselves feel guilty, you know, as if we’re punishing ourselves. Punishment has a motivating factor that comes from kids who were punished in childhood, you know.


                        So it’s like if I punish myself and feel bad enough, maybe tomorrow we’ll get my act together and shower and put my hair up in a pony and buy a better stroller. You know, it’s like if I feel bad enough, I’ll do something about it, and it comes at too big of a cause. I’d much rather say, “Good for her. Look at her, she’s got it all together,” you know. “Bless her,” you know. I don’t. I’m a humble human. This is as much as I got going on, but I choose my life. I eat off the buffet of life and could choose to have a shower, or I could choose to sit and read one more story to my kid, or I could choose to be on the committee, or I could choose to give up my volunteer time to make money on the side and have a nice grocery stroll. I mean we’re all making a million choices and we have to make the choices that fit right for us, and not have to apologize for our life to other people.


Sarah:              One thing that I really appreciate as we’re talking, and I noticed this right away when we started talking, was that you have a very positive, very buoyant vibe that you give off, and I can tell in the way that you approach life believing the best about people and about yourself that that’s how you tackle life, and it seems like, you know, that that really is part of yourself and what works for you. Is that something that you recommend for other people to also kind of just believe the best and have positivity, and does that really affect the outcome?


Alyson:             Oh, does it ever. You know, all my training is based on the work of Alfred Adler, and Adler has a great saying which is, ‘You can’t always change your situation, but you could always change your attitude about your situation.’ And I think because I’m a psychotherapist and because I’ve seen how humans triumph over adversities so many times, you realize that your attitude is your tool, and it really is the one thing that you can control.


                        So you know, as a self-confessed control freak who wrote that earlier chapter, when you realize wow, instead of controlling people and feeling, you know, unhappy when things get out of control, I can control my attitude about situation. I can choose to believe that people are basically good and I can choose to believe that people aren’t judging me.


                        It’s an interesting thing with judgment. The minute you stop judging other people is the minute you will stop feeling judged yourself. It’s a very powerful act to realize wow, you know, the reason why I think everyone is looking at me and saying I’m a bad mother is because I’m actually looking at them and saying, “Oh, they’re a good mother. They’re a bad mother. Why did she do this?”




                        And if we stop acting that way, we suddenly experience the world is a less judgmental place, you know.


Sarah:              Wow.


Alyson:             So I think being encouraging, looking for the best because you can choose to. You know, is the glass half full? Is the glass half empty? I mean you can choose your attitude about so many things and it takes a lot for someone to really, you know, get me thinking dire thoughts because I just don’t – I just don’t see the usefulness of it.


Sarah:              Okay, so in your personal life, if you don’t mind me asking…


Alyson:             Sure, go ahead.


Sarah:              …[0:15:34] [Indiscernible] like because we’re bombarded. We’re in a society that, you know, if it leaves it leaves, you know, and then news then, and there’s a lot of fear-mongering tactics that accompanies you for a baby product. You know, if you don’t have the latest, you know, whatever your kid is, you know, you may not hear your kid at night, they could pass away from SIDS, or you know, if they don’t have the right pacifier, your kid can develop an overbite. You know, there’s all these very fearful [0:16:03] [Indiscernible] that can enter our world as parents. From the second we find out we’re pregnant, you know, we’re bombarded by it. So how do you – I understand of being positive, but what specifically do you do to really counteract that and to really just invite in your space, you know, the positive things and the good things.


Alyson:             Well, I think you’ve already hit, you know, the nail on the head there Sarah, which is we do need to get educated around why the bleed leads, and to understand…


Sarah:              Right.


Alyson:             …that we are being marketed to, you know. They now realize that women, mothers are the largest purchaser in their home…


Sarah:              Right.


Alyson:             …that if you could get them to be the decision maker, you know, we are a target market and there’s a wonderful book called Childhood Under Siege by a Canadian author that talks about how big business is capitalizing on our concern about childhood and we are a child-centered culture, and I the space will peter out, but right now, we are probably at the height of the storm in terms of making parents worried about doing it right and all the things that are out there that could possibly hurt their kids. I think you have to stay informed, but I think you have to not be a dramatist.


                        So I’m very cautious about, for example, just the amount of news that I take in. we don’t need to be listening to the news 24/7. We do not need to be – You know, the important news will rise to the top like cream rises to the top of the cup. You don’t need to be digging for it. It’s going to make it’s way to you. And of the mistakes that we might make in parenting, very few of them are going to be catastrophic, you know. The chances are the kids are going to be okay.


Sarah:              Yeah.


Alyson:             That’s really the truth, and in fact, having a positive attitude and having faith in humanity, and having faith in your kids, and having faith in some of our old institutions although, you know – I mean we do have to advocate for a kid, but when we get a little bit more relaxed and have a feeling of just, you know, generally if we’re in a loving community and in loving relationships, things can’t go too far off the rails. If we come from that as our first premise, kids raised in that environment that’s the healthiest thing you can do to raise a human baby. So when we suddenly get scared about the news and freaking out about the daycare, suddenly, we’re creating toxic stress in our kid’s life, and now it’s counterproductive. So now, they might be in the best daycare and having the best, you know, mandarin lessons, but who cares because now they’re overstressed, moms screaming at them. You were freaking out about how we’re going to pay for all these extra things. It’s counterproductive.


Sarah:              Right.


Alyson:             So I really do think if we can embrace that position it’s not going to go too far off the rails. I’m really here to just be in the solid human relationship with this person, put the relationship first, but the important stuff is it’s not going to get missed. I promise you it won’t.


Sarah:              And what do you – What are your techniques on just trusting your instinct as a woman and then as a mom?


Alyson:             Well, I’ll tell you something. I had a bad experience at one point with a nanny who was trying to do some sleep training with my first child. I remember coming home and she was sitting outside the bedroom door. My baby was crying and crying and crying, and she said if you go in there and ruin everything I’ve done so far, I quit, and I didn’t go in. I was so afraid of losing this nanny and I felt sick to my stomach that I overrode my natural desire to go in there. I felt I wasn’t true to myself.


                        Then when I worked with other mothers around sleep training and doing some of this discipline stuff, I say I will give you my opinion and I will try to explain where my opinion comes from and theory and research, but then you have to decide you want to do this. I will never override – I might try to change your mind so you see the situation differently, but if you want to go, if you want to do that, do that. You know, if you want, you know, all sleep in the family bed, who am I to say differently? But if you decide you want your child to learn how to sleep on their own and you’re interested in making that change, I’ve got some ideas that you might be interested in, but I think you have to listen to yourself first because to be this ingenuous, it’s a terrible place to be for any person.




Sarah:              And then I remember when I first became a mom. You know, I thought, ‘Well, I haven’t done this before. What do I know?’ But it’s amazing how even though you’ve never been a mom before that female instinct and intuition is so strong, and it really does kick in, and you really do know like what – if there’s something right or there’s something wrong, you know it in your heart whether or not you’ve been a mom for 1 hour or for 10 years, you know…


Alyson:             Yeah.


Sarah:              …and that’s one thing that I wasn’t really prepared for that I thought was really, that was really neat that that does really kick in for women once they become a mom. It’s that mama bear.


Alyson:             Yes, and I think that mama bear is one of those, you know, benefits of becoming a mother that just, you know, is a way where we do feel strong, where we’re not losing our confidence. It’s like wow, I’ve never felt such a conviction to care for somebody in my life, you know.


                        Now having said that, I’m the first person to say that every single mom should take a parenting class the same way that we took a prenatal class, you know. I think just the same way you prepare for births or whatever, I think you need to have some basic discipline strategies under your belt, and everyone could benefit from doing a group session, you know, a 6-week or an 8-week course, and they should be in every community in the nation because a lot – Well, what we say is a lot of times, it’s eradicating ignorance and then reloading our toolbox. That’s really what a parenting class is, and I love teaching them, and people love getting ideas for how to handle different situations and it’s what my blog and website is all about is giving those little tips out. So I think we’re not born knowing, you know, certain parenting techniques, you know.


Sarah:              Right.


Alyson:             We’re not born knowing what a logical consequence is or how to conduct a family meeting, but there are good practices, you know…


Sarah:              Right.


Alyson:             …and you wouldn’t know if you didn’t go seek them out. But at the same time, when you’re sitting at that family meeting or applying that consequence, you know whether or not your child is feeling ashamed or whether or not they were anxious or faking it, you know. That’s the stuff that you – No one knows your child like you do.


Sarah:              That’s right. Well, what other tips? You’ve said other parenting classes. What other advice can we give some new moms to kind of reclaim their confidence? Just a couple things that can do even while they’re pregnant to really start practicing that.


Alyson:             Well, you know, I think it – My experience was then I was pregnant. Everything that I was thinking about led up to birth, you know.



Sarah:              Uh-huh. Yeah.


Alyson:             I mean I wanted to know about Braxton Hicks, and I wanted, you know – And after you have a baby, everything is just survival. It’s like oh, I’ve got cracked nipples and I don’t know. What’s the color of this pill, and is it okay, and how much they down and how much do they speed up, and is that spit up or is that vomit? And I create luckily had – I had a c-section with complications so I had a VON at the host everyday. I picked her brain. My goodness, I probably never would have bundled my baby up and made a doctor’s appointment to go in and to ask all the questions that I did, but I was so glad that I had this non-judgmental person that allowed me to ask all these questions, which again, I think moms would do in a mom’s group.


Sarah:              Yeah.


Alyson:             But you need to learn to ask for what you need. You need to learn to ask your in-laws. You know, can you help with the cleaning? Can you help with the driving? I can’t get out to the grocery store. I think learning to ask for help, learning to be more in community at that time, not to try to put on, you know, good airs, a lot of mom’s groups become competitive. You know, they’re supposed to be a support group, and a lot of times, it’s a competition. Who made the better muffins and whose kid’s walking first, you know. How many words can your kids say and he’s already rolling over. It’s not supposed to be about that, you know.


Sarah:              Right.


Alyson:             And I think in the short term, it’s never going to help if somebody says, you know, “Haha, you must be a first-time mom. You sterilized this pacifier after it drops on the ground. I’m on my third kid and I just wipe them in my armpit and stick it back in his milk, you know.” You know, you can’t speed up getting the experience of being a new mom.


Sarah:              Yes.


Alyson:             So you are a newbie and you just need to be gentle on yourself, and this is the part of the journey where you’re nervous, and this is the part of the journey where your confidence is shaking, and this is the part of the journey where you maybe feel a little isolated and you’re trying to weigh all the information, and instead of saying that’s the wrong state, I’m supposed to be confident, just say no, that’s how it starts just like, you know. A tadpole looks like a tadpole before it becomes a frog. This is what new motherhood looks like. You’re a big scattered mess, you know. Message in yourself. You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing right now. You’re a big mess.


Sarah:              Yeah. And the point is…


Alyson:             And that’s okay because kids are so robust that really, the stuff that, you know, that when we look at it over the grander arc of time, you know, this human is going to be in your life until, you know, bear in their 50s and 60s, and you’re in your 80s and 90s. You have so much time when you look at the big arch, you know, and I think when we get the big picture and realize, you know, I’m creating a haven for this person to feel secure and loved, and the rest is minutia. It’s just about sort of in a sense getting perspective, you know, and that’s really hard in the beginning because we’re worried about not, you know, putting the wrong cream on, and we’re very wrapped up in the details, but as time goes on, you can step further and further back, and then get in more meta and meta picture, and you know, your mind calms down, and I think that you mature as a mother, and that’s just that’s part of your journey, and it’s beautiful. Mostly, kids do fine and try to think big picture and not get wrapped up in everything having to be perfect all the time.


Sarah:              Oh wow.


Alyson:             One not say thank you to grandma when grandma gave a gift. It does not mean you have to stop the universe and give a moral lecture on why we need to use our manners. We can just let that roll over and talk about it and talk ends tonight, you know.


Sarah:              Those are really good words and such great wisdom. I know I’m encouraged. I hope every mama who’s listening to this really feel encouraged as well. You guys have got to check out Alyson Schafer’s website and her books as well, and I have links for those latest interviews. So definitely stop by. She has some really great tools on everything from potty training to sleep training on her website, and really great, helpful, insightful information there. Thank you so much, Alyson, for joining us today.


Alyson:             My pleasure. Hope you have me back.


Sarah:              Yes, and we’d love to have you back. And to all the mamas listening, have a great day and we’ll see you soon.


  • Melanie

    This is great. Seems like I’ve been reading a lot about people who are letting their kids be kids. Love that. We always get ourselves worked up (me included) with so many silly things that are based on other peoples expectations for us. Big takeaway for me here was that control is a bad intimacy builder. Yep, I do that & need to stop.

  • Let Kids Live a Little

    This parenting style is so me. It drives me nuts when so many parents baby & coddle their kids. No wonder we have a nation full of dependency. Not trying to get all political here, I just feel strongly that kids need to feel hurt, disappointment, let down, happiness, exuberance, elation & all the other emotions in between AS KIDS. We can protect them from harm, but social, emotional & relational maturation comes from experiences that aren’t perfect requiring us (as humans) to figure things out, feel things out & learn how to just get through it. Big Coddle = Big Dependency.