August 6th is one of my most favorite days.
It’s the day when I first experienced motherhood.
I always say that you truly become a mother the second you become pregnant. Because, let’s face it, hydrating, eating right, exercising, sleep issues and peeing constantly as well as watching our bodies morph into something we’ve never experienced before are just a smathering of what awaits us throughout the rest of our lives as mothers.
While pregnant, we get prepped to talk about things like poop and pee with virtual strangers, or at least nurses and care providers at first and then slowly realize that that conversation evolves but never really goes away.
My 2 year old daughter just called me a poopy head today.
See what I mean? It just becomes a part of our momvenacular.
As I was thinking about this day, I was thinking about how I’ve evolved as a mama over the course of the past 5 years. 5!
What the hell!? Where has it gone? (Another question that mothers will ask for the rest of their lives).
My 5 year old Jackson has introduced me, not only to motherhood, but also to my incredible shortcomings and failures as a human being. It’s kinda like getting pushed into the pool fully clothed. You’re not prepared for it, it takes your breath away, you sputter and spurt, and yell and moan and get out feeling ruined yet refreshed all at the same time.
Motherhood has wrecked me. It has ruined me from the inside out- but in the most needed ways.
Yesterday we returned from vacation. I volunteered to do the requisite grocery shopping trip after the trip. Jackson asked if he could come along for some special Jackson-Mommy time. Hello? Did you really just ask that? Of course you can!
Jackson had received a University of Michigan football uniform as an early birthday gift, complete with helmet, shirt with pads, pants, and cleats. He asked “Can I wear my uniform & helmet to the store?“
At first I hesitated.
My exact first thought was “what will people think?”
I quickly realized that this is an opportunity for me to get over myself and my fear of what others think and to dive in, head first into the pool of fun- where kids hang out. Ya know, the pool where kids wear whatever the hell they want and are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to what people may think of them? Yes. THAT pool.
Off we went to the grocery. And it was incredibly interesting. There were a few people who looked at him and smiled or chuckled. But there were a larger number of people who made it painfully obvious that they were NOT going to look or smile. It was actually, pretty hilarious.
J was running through the aisles. The chip aisle became his 50 yard line and the kid took off like his football career depended on it. He was running drills and making plays and couldn’t give a rats ass who was watching or wasn’t, or was but trying not to look like they were.
I realized right there, in front of those Doritos that I want to be more like that.
I want to show up and be 100% myself and be comfortable and do my thang- running through the aisles of life and going full tilt.
The reality of it is that I am a people pleaser. I care what people think. I care what complete and utter strangers think- people I will never see again in my life. I have insecurities and parts of myself that I am self conscious about.
I may or may not be alone in this- but I really want to become more like my 5 year old.
And, metaphorically speaking, dress up in a really swanky Captain Hook outfit and ride the penny pony, in the middle of July, at the grocery store…because… why not?
Anyone with me?